I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
