I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
