are you so shy because you have an std?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
