Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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