You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
