I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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