What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
