So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
