So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
