While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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