she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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