We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You work out of a Hotel?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
