Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
birth control should be required to get into college
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
