oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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