he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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