so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
