Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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