My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
