Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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