I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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