You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
