The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
