ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The uberlube is also flammable
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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