Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
