I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
