"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
