Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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