went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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