he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
