In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
