If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
