I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
