fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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