woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
