I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She's the barista slut.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
