so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
