Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
