I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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