I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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