We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
