Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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