ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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