somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
