He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
