it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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