Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
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If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...