I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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