so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water