you turned your livingroom into a bong?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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