Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn