My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.