if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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