Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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