Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
