My boss' voice literally gives me gas
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
