he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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