Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
