The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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