so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
