I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
