Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
