Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's always time for handjobs
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
