ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
