Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
