Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
