Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
