He felt like a one man threesome
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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