I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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