I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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