i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
