Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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