hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
