just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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