i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
