WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
