Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
