i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
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I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
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I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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