Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
