...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
