If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
