Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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