and next time when you feel me up, do it right
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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